One is karma and that what goes around, comes around. If you’re going to a bitch, then karma will be an even bigger bitch to make up for it. Two is fate and what is meant to happen, will find its way in time. If you are meant to learn a lesson and you don’t learn it the first time, you’ll repeatedly be thrown into situations trying to teach you that lesson, until it finally hits you and you get it. Three is that I believe in love. If two people are meant to be together, they are always going to come back to each other, until it’s the right point in time. Most of all, I still believe that love can be a fairytale and a couple can live happily ever after, as ridiculous of a belief that is. I’ve been hurt a few times before, but I will never fail to believe that it can happen.
3. Last dream I remember- Uhm. I had a really bad dream that Claire and Sammy and Nicholas all started saying how stupid I was for trying to go to LA for college next year and that I’ll never make it and that I should give up before I start. And they’re my 3 biggest supporters in moving there.
6. Cabbage? I think lettuce…then i realize I’m wrong.
9. Hair? I’m getting annoyed that my bangs aren’t even…and I reaaaally want to dip-dye bleach my hair. And it could be longer. But really, yes.
13. Listening to? No music and no tv is on. But I hear one of my parents shower in the background some.
15. Strict? Ehh, they’re a bit strict. But some days they let get away with stuff, some days they don’t…
Someone recommend a monologue? I love Ophelia’s character, so perhaps a monologue from Lady MacBeth…even though she’s kinda a lunatic in a different way? Recommendations thoughh? It’s a requirement for my theatre class/I really really really love Ophelia…
I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.
A moment. Hmmm. It’s so difficult choosing a single moment that I remember enough to relive and describe. I guess the moment Claire called me to tell me I got the role of Mary Warren this past September is the most recent, I was beyond excited to have a lead, finally.
So you want to kill yourself? Because noone cares about you. Your family hates you. Right? No. Your parents walking in your room in the morning to only find a dead body. They’ll try their hardest to not think negative, and to just think that you’re fooling around. Then they’ll start shaking you. Why aren’t you breathing? They’ll be broken. Tears. Many tears. More tears than you ever shed. Was it them? Were they the reason you did this? More tears. Pain. Every day. Every night. Every single second of every day. Guilt. More guilt. What about your bestfriends? They’re not going to care. Right? No. What’s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that you’re not alive. While your bestfriend sits there in tears. That girl that you’d smile at but never talk to? She’s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? He’ll be shocked. He’ll be devastated. He’ll blame himself. What about your teacher? Thoughts crossing her mind. She’ll question if you did it because she didn’t make school comfortable enough for you. Pain. Devastation. All in one. Who organises your funeral? Who has to go through your stuff? Clothes? Notes? Those few older girls who used to give you daggers at school? They’ll feel regret. They’ll blame themselves. See, if you killed yourself today, you’ll never know what might of happened tomorrow. You’ll never know because you’re dead. Plain dead. Not breathing. Not alive. Just dead. Your family hates themselves for it. Your bestfriend then falls into depression. Tears. Tears. More tears than a river. All because you killed yourself because you thought noone would care. Right? You are loved. By many. Someone right now is thinking of you. And right now, I’m thinking about anyone who has thought or is considering suicide. You are beautiful. No matter if you’re black, white, homo-sexual, tall, short, overweight or anorexic. You are beautiful. You want to kill yourself? Think about it first. There’s no coming back. And I promise, if you do it, you are not only hurting yourself, you are hurting many. You are creating more tears than you led yourself to. You are making everyone miserable and making them all feel guilt and pain. Never will they feel whole like they used to when they had you. You are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.